Understanding Attraction.

Dear Karlie,
I'm having trouble. I've been searching for a person to spend the rest of my life with for years and nothing is working. There seems to be too many options and I cant make up my mind. How can I increase my awareness of who I'm attracted to and what kinds of things I look for in a spouse? I figure if I have a strong knowledge of what I want, I can go out and specifically look for it. Then I can find the love of my life faster!

Sincerely,
Troubled Tammy.


Dear Troubled Tammy,
The answer is within yourself. Only you can truly know who and what you are attracted to. You have to personally look inside yourself and take the time to think about what attributes or characteristics you want your future spouse to acquire. Although I cant tell you what you should look for, I can provide you with some back up information which could benefit you while you take the time to ponder about your desires and wants in a person. As stated in Byme's Law of Attraction, Byme's believes that people are attracted to individuals who have positive attitudes and reinforcement. This means that if a person has the ability to project positivity onto you, you will be more easily attracted to that person. To back this law up with a short example, I think we've all heard member's of couples say "I love them because they make me smile and laugh"plenty of times in our lives. People also tend to be attracted to people based on familiarity. Many people tend to go for the same types of partners throughout their lives in terms of both physical attributes and personality traits. Research shows that the preferences we have stem from our parents. Many people tend to desire traits and attributes similar to that of their parents. According to Dr. Mark Sergeant, a psychology lecturer at Trent University, there is an evolutionary reason for this. When people decide to have children, they want to create a child with a certain individual who has genes which are safe and successful. The sense of awareness and similarity leaves people at ease and feeling more comfortabe. Speaking of similarity, social homogamy is the theory based on the idea that "like attracts like." It states that people tend to choose a partner who is more alike than different from themselves. This includes similar interests, cultures, religions, age groups and role expectations. However, if you and your partner are too similar, this can cause a lacking in complimentary needs. This could be a problem because naturally people tend to long for a partner who will fill up the holes they are missing within themselves. This way, a pair can help resolve each others weaknesses. Without a fulfillment of complimentary needs, these holes remain open and the flaws remain unfixed.

So why are we attracted to some people and not others? We like to think that as individuals, we have the freedom of choice as to who we choose as a partner. As the ideal mate theory states, most people do have a preconceived image of what their ideal partner should be like. However, the harsh realities of society place many limitations on our choices. Theories such as the propinquity theory could be used as an example of a limitation in terms of location. The propinquity theory focuses on the idea that people are more likely to meet and know people who are physically nearby. People will generally meet within the same locations which makes maintaining the relationship easier. Long-distance relationships are difficult to keep going. They require a lot of commitment and often lack passion. Although, with global travel and advances in technology, these relationships are becoming easier to sustain.

I hope this helps you to understand the patterns of attraction and how it works.

Sincerely,
Karlie.