Courtship, Dating, and It's Evolution.

Dear Karlie,
I went out on my first date last night with a guy that I met on the social dating site, Tinder.  When I asked him what he was looking for in the relationship, he told me he was looking for something slow,  and a relationship that would develop over time. Shortly after this he started to proclaim that he would like to not date me but court me. I don't really understand what this means and I need help understanding it. Could you please explain to me the difference between Courtship and Dating?

Sincerely,
Confused.


Dear Confused,
Courtship and dating are two completely different ways to peruse a relationship and they easily get mixed up and misunderstood. Courtship is a more traditional way of seeking a future spouse and generally refers to mate selection leading to a long-term partnership. It encourages love to develop over time by the standard progressions of a romantic relationship. To understand how courtship works, you must be aware of the four main stages of courtship such as rapport, self-revelation, mutual dependency, and intimacy. The first stage is to become rapport with one another and to feel completely comfortable and at ease with one another. The second stage is to bring personal information to the table and reveal it to their future partner. This self-revelation helps to build trust within the couple. The third stage is when each partner begins to rely on the other, also known as mutual dependency. The fourth stage, intimacy and fulfilment, gives each person the chance to decide if the relationship fits his or her needs. Each one of these stages serves as a filter because it gives a women an opportunity to remove a potential suitor as she learns more about him throughout the stages. Dating is a much more casual way of becoming involved in a relationship with someone. Dating allows two people to be in a long-term and intimate relationship without the expectation of permanent commitment to that one individual. This ties into a theory known as the social exchange theory which states that people become involved with something based off of the outcome of the situation. What they can get out of it based on what they're putting into it. In conclusion, A courting couple intends for the relationship to be long-term and permanent and the main goal is to end in marriage. A couple who is dating may not have any specific expectations for their relationship. They don't necessarily see engagement or marriage as a possibility for the future but are willing to see where the relationship takes them.

Sincerely,
Karlie.


Dear Karlie,
Thanks for the response! It really cleared things up for me. However, I have one more question. While I was waiting for your advice, I was talking to a friend about the whole situation. She said that courting is something they used more commonly in past centuries but that it has faded out over the years and now dating is way more common. Is this true? And if it is, do you have any ideas as to why and how this happened?

Sincerely,
Still A Bit Confused.


Dear Still A Bit Confused,
One thing to always keep in mind is that humanity is always changing, moving, and adjusting. Courtship occurred for many years in the past and was looked at as more of a necessity than a luxury. It wasn't until around the 20th century that the concept of dating came into the picture and people were released from the traditional limitations of courtship. The history of courtship and dating has evolved over the years due to the changing roles of men and women in society as well as different traditions, and the rise of technology. At first, men were looked at as the superior in a household, therefor they would try to woo women into marriage through many practices of courtship. This would set down many boundaries for women. But as feminist groups formed over the years and many feminist victories took place, women began to have more of a say in their relationships and gained partnership equality which killed some courting techniques. Also, as time passes, it is becoming rare for young couples to actually go out on a formal date to get dinner and there has been more cases of couples just casually hanging out. This is known as a "non-date" and is another reason as to why courtship is dying and dating is become more prominent. Of course, advances in technology is another aspect of why courtship is being practiced less and less. As technology improves, texting, emailing and socializing over social media sites becomes more and more socially normal. This provides many people with the opportunity to communicate with their significant others in a more casual, laid-back manner without any specific label.  So your friend is in fact correct. Courtship is fading out, and dating is taking its place.

Sincerely,
Karlie.